Parenting Goals
1. I want to be an authoritative parent.
·
Authoritative parents (L. Walker, Positive Parenting, SFL
240, Winter 2017, slide 7)
o Are controlling and demanding but permit
considerable freedom within reasonable limits
o Have appropriately high expectations for
mature behavior
o Firmly enforce goals using commands and
consequences for disobedience
o Warm and nurturing, listen patiently and
sensitively to child’s point of view
o Encourage children’s input into family
decision making Uses a rational and child involved approach in which the rights
of both parents and children are recognized and respected Uses induction --
“That makes me sad when you hit your brother, how would you feel if someone hit
you?”
o Child outcomes include- independence, more
likely to internalize morals and academic achievement.
·
Do not
use physical punishments
o Use natural and logical consequences to
actions
§
Ex: If
they break a toy, do not replace it immediately. If they don’t share with their
friend, the friend goes home.
·
Facilitate
open communication
o Talk to my kids often about their day so they
can feel comfortable bringing other things up
o Tell them “you can always talk to me about
anything”
§
If they
ask about sexuality or other sensitive subjects, I will not get embarrassed, I
will be open and honest.
·
Provide
specific and realistic goals
o I will clearly explain the rules
§
Ex: No
media in the bedroom because you should be sleeping and I want to be able to
monitor your media usage.
Brooks, J. B.
(2013). The process of parenting
(9th ed.). New York: McGraw-Hill
2. I want to be a
proactive parent.
·
Proactive parenting can help to teach children how to act
before they get to a situation.
o
Cocooning- shelter children from negative influences.
Cocooning is good when children are young, but can be bad when children are
teenagers.
§ Ex: Not showing adult media
to children.
o
Pre-arming- Preparing child for influence
§ Ex: Teach children to close
computer and talk to mom/dad when they come across porn
o
Deference- allowing children to make their own decisions
after prearming. Prophet Joseph
Smith said, “I teach
them correct principles, and they govern themselves.”
§ Ex: Teach them how about
dating at 16, and then let them make the decision for themselves.
L. Walker, Positive Parenting, SFL 240,
Winter 2017, slide 13
·
I want my husband to be able to be comfortable talking to our
kids about these subjects
o
I will not have my husband talk to our sons, and me talk to
our daughters. We should have family talks about this.
§ Ex: Family Home Evening
about Sexuality and Pornography…
·
I want to talk to them about sexuality and maturation before
they hear it from their friends.
o
I will use the appropriate vocabulary and will start talking
to them when they are 3 and 4.
o
I will give my daughters information about their periods when
they are 8 or 9, so they will know what is and what it does.
Brooks, J. B. (2013). The process of parenting (9th ed.). New York:
McGraw-Hill
3. I want to provide
my children the best opportunities
·
I want to enroll them in good schools that have low teacher
student ratios
o
I am open to putting them in private schools
o
We will save money so that they can attend these schools
·
I want to teach my children the gospel.
o
We will try to have FHE every week
o
We will go to church each week
o
We will talk about the gospel in our home and be open to
questions.
§ Ex: When children say
something that challenges the church, I will not shun them away; I will instead
invite them to learn about what we do know so that they can be lifelong
learners.
·
Allow them to do extra curricular activities
o
I want my children can be active and exercise
§ Allow them to do a variety
of sports not just one
§ Allow them to do things
other than sports
Borden, L. M., Donnermeyer,
J. F., & Scheer, S. D. (2001). The influence of extra-curricular activities
and peer influence on substance use. Adolescent & Family Health, 2(1),
12-19.
Challenges
1. Parenting styles of our parents
a.
Both my
parents and my parents in law were pretty reserved when it came to sexuality.
So I don’t have a good example of how the conversation should go
b.
I can
read books about sexuality
·
Sexual Wholeness in Marriage by Busby,
Carroll, and Leavitt
·
Developing Sexual Wholeness in Children and
Teens: An LDS Parent’s Guide to Teaching Healthy Sexuality- Padilla- Walker,
Busby, Leavitt, & Carroll
c.
I can
also practice with my husband so that we can know what we want to say and be
comfortable saying it.
2. Having multiple children
a.
I feel
like it is easy with your first child to watch and monitor all these things,
but when you have multiple kids, it is more difficult.
b.
Proactive
parenting is really important so that children can govern themselves.
c.
Making
sure my spouse is on the same page as me so that we can be on team in watching
our children.
What are my
parenting goals?
· I want to be proactive in teaching my kids
about the gospel before making the big decisions.
· I want to teach my children about sexuality
when they are young- before they hear about it from their friends. I want to
facilitate open communication about sexuality.
· I want my kids to be good learners
· I want to put my kids in the best schools so
that they can have individualized attention.
· I want to read with my kids everyday.
· I want to limit screen time to an hour a day
· I want to do lots of crafts and activities. I
want my kids to be able to entertain themselves and be creative and have an
imagination.
· I want to facilitate play, so I will play
with them and have my husband play with them as well.
16 Guidelines of Positive Parenting
Internalization is Goal!
Mostly for Children
Guidelines not rules
1. Always explain reasons why
they should conform
2. Rules in Positive statements
(for preschool age)
3. Distract/Redirect (do not
always call attention to unwanted behavior)
4. Only give children choices
that are acceptable to you (don’t give too many choices)
5. Consequences should be
immediate following misbehavior for young kids
6. Treat children as a group
7. Involve children in
solutions to their problems and involve them in consequences
8. Place responsibility of
ending the punishment upon the child
9. Use time out when you or
child are emotionally upset
10. Use natural and logical
consequences
11. Escalation of punishment-
remind child of the rule, warn of consequences... follow through
12. Expected behavior should fit
development of the child
13. Monitor child’s life
responsibly- in ways that develop perseverance, pro-social behavior
14. Be Flexible in discipline-
consequences and rules
15. Spend quality time with
children
16. Show and increase in love
after discipline
L. Walker, Positive Parenting, SFL 240,
Winter 2017, slide 17-23
http://nationalacademies.org/hmd/Reports/2016/parenting-matters-supporting-parents-of-children-ages-0-8
Transition to Parenthood and Pregnancy:
Getting Pregnant:
1. After the egg is released, it has 24 hours to be
fertilized
2. Use a period tracker app to track when you most likely
are ovulating
3. A pregnancy test will not work until AFTER a missed
period- so be patient and don’t waste money on testing before your missed
period.
Brooks, J. B. (2013). The process of parenting (9th ed.). New York:
McGraw-Hill.
Infertility:
You may become discouraged
that you are incapable of having kids after just a few months, but:
1. Infertility means you have tried to get pregnant for 1
year. Don’t freak out if you don’t get pregnant in the first couple of months.
2. Female infertility could be caused by: hormonal
imbalance, ovum not produced or not viable or blocked fallopian tubes.
3. Male infertility could be caused by: hormonal
imbalance, not enough viable sperm, improper body temperature and blocked vas
deferens.
4. Treatments for infertility include but are not limited
to:
Medication-
helps induce ovulation
Intrauterine
Insemination- specially prepared sperm are inserted into the uterus
IVF-
sperm and egg and handled outside the body then injected into the uterus
Remember that these treatments
will cost lots of money.
Gross,
D. L. (2008). Infancy: development from birth to age 3. Boston: Pearson A &
B
Pregnancy:
Kellie! Congrats on getting pregnant! Here are some
milestones that you can look forward to. Be excited! There is no other time
that a living thing will be growing inside you. Plus your kids
are gonna be darn cute if they look anything like you two did as babies!
Love, Kellie
Pregnancy Milestones
Gross,
D. L. (2008). Infancy: development from birth to age 3. Boston: Pearson A &
B
First Trimester (0-3 Months)
o Baby is very sensitive during the embryonic period
(2-8 weeks)
o Heart starts beating around 5 weeks
Second Trimester (3-6 months)
o Mom begins to show!
o Can find out the gender of the baby at 20 week ultra
sound
Third Trimester (6 months-
birth)
o Baby can survive outside the womb at 27 weeks
Common Concerns
1. Start taking your prenatal vitamin now.
o
The most
sensitive period of development occurs before you even know you are pregnant,
so start preparing now.
2. Be careful about your diet
Brooks, J. B. (2013). The process of parenting (9th ed.). New York:
McGraw-Hill
3. Start exercising now- whatever you do before pregnancy
you can do now that you’re pregnant.
·
Ideas for Exercise: Talk to your doctor
·
Swimming
·
Aerobics
·
Walking
·
Slow running
4. Weight gain L. Walker, Pregnancy and
Childbirth, SFL 240, Winter 2017, slide 22
o
You are a normal
height and weight, so you should only gain 25-35 lbs (37-54 lbs twins).
o
You should gain 1
lb a week for 2nd and 3rd trimesters
o
Not all of this
weight is from fat- the majority of it is the baby and increased blood volume.
o
You are NOT Fat,
your body is making another human!
Labor and Delivery:
o Natural Delivery (Talk to Marsali about the classes
she took)
o
Lamaze Method
§
Tries to lessen
the pain by concentrating on set procedures
§
Breathing
techniques
§
Husband is
trained to be a coach
o
Bradley Method
§
Teaches positive
attitudes
§
Mother will have
pain but it is not unbearable
§
Teaches mothers
to relax and not fight the pain during the
contractions but to use them to work for you
§
Uses gravity to
help birthing (birthing wedge)
o
Home Births
§
Risk factor may
be minimal if a low-risk mother
§
Difficult to
anticipate if you are going to have complications
o Epideral
o C-Section
o
Preferably only
for an emergency
3 Stages of Delivery
·
Dilation
and Effacement of Cervix- ends with Transition
·
Pushing
and Birth of Baby
·
Birth
of Placenta
YOU CAN DO THIS! Women were made to birth babies!
Infants and Toddlers:
Infants and Toddlers:
Physical Development
·
Reflexes
at birth
o Grasp reflex, rooting, sucking,
walking
·
Prefer
smell of Mom
·
They
like the sound of motherese
·
Born
to speak any language
·
Vision
is blurry, so get up close
·
Brain
grows
·
Children
should gain 5-6 lbs a year
·
Coordination
Increases each year
·
Fine
Motor Milestones
o Reach for something @ 4 months
o Grab/ Hold something @ 6 months
o Pincer Grasp @ 9 months
o Hold Silverware @ 12 months
·
The
following chart shows the gross motor milestones
o Rolling over @ 3 months
o Sitting up @ 6 months
o Crawling @ 8 months
o Walking @ 12 months
·
L. Walker,
Birth to Two, SFL 240, Winter 2017, slide 6
Cognitive and Language
Development
·
Babies
learn by doing and by examples
·
Babies
begin to make noises and communicate, this chart shows how to facilitate
language
·
Reading
is the most important thing for language development
·
Walk
them through what you are doing
L. Walker,
Birth to Two, SFL 240, Winter 2017, slide 12
· This chart
shows how children are sensing and moving about their environment
L. Walker,
Birth to Two, SFL 240, Winter 2017, slide 10
·
This chart shows the milestones for
language development in early childhood
L. Walker,
Birth to Two, SFL 240, Winter 2017, slide 11
Emotional Development
·
Children
are developing attachments
·
Important
contributors to Secure attachment:
o Sensitivity- ability to perceive the
infants signals accurately and respond appropriately and promptly
o Mutuality- positive harmony and
mutuality in relationship
o Synchronicity- coordinated social
interactions
o Positive Attitude- emotional
expressiveness, acceptance and delight in the child
·
Brooks, J. B. (2013). The process of parenting (9th ed.). New York:
McGraw-Hill
·
Stranger
Anxiety- Peaks at 8-10 months
·
Separation
Anxiety- Peaks at 14-18 months
·
Trust
vs. Mistrust- has to do with attachment formation
L. Walker, Birth
to Two, SFL 240, Winter 2017, slide 14
Moral and Spiritual
Development
·
Very
little, they don’t feel guilty
·
You
can teach them to pray
·
Set
limitations and be specific
|
Temperament Traits
|
Easy
|
Difficult
|
|
Activity Level (how active the child is generally)
|
Low
|
High
|
|
Distractibility (degree of concentration and paying attention
when child is not particularly interested)
|
Low
|
High
|
|
Intensity (how loud the child is)
|
Low
|
High
|
|
Regularity (the predictability of biological functions
like appetite and sleep)
|
Regular
|
Irregular
|
|
Sensory Threshold (how sensitive the child is to physical
stimuli: touch, taste, smell, sound, light)
|
High
|
Low
|
|
Approach/Withdrawal (characteristic responses of a child to a new
situation or to strangers)
|
Approach
|
Withdraw
|
|
Adaptability (how easily the child adapts to transitions
and changes like switching to a new activity)
|
Good
|
Poor
|
|
Persistence(stubbornness, inability to give up)
|
Low
|
High
|
|
Mood (tendency to react to the world primarily in a
positive or negative way)
|
Positive
|
Negative
|
L. Walker, Birth
to Two, SFL 240, Winter 2017, slide 22
1. Crying
·
Basic
Cry- a rhythmic pattern of a cry – a brief silence – a short inspiratory
whistle that is higher pitched – a brief rest (hunger, uncomfortable)
·
Anger
Cry- more intense/unpleasant than the basic cry – more excess air forced
through the vocal cords
·
Pain
Cry- a sudden very intense/unpleasant cry without preliminary moaning – a long
initial cry followed by an extended period of breath holding (most parents can
interpret this cry)
·
Attention
Cry -develops later, insincere, manipulative, varies in intensity depending
upon attention receiving
·
Pay
attention to your child and respond appropriately. Look for signs of hunger before
they get to crying.
Gross, D. L. (2008). Infancy: development
from birth to age 3. Boston: Pearson A & B
2. Breastfeeding
·
Pros for Baby
o Provides
warmth and closeness (dad should take off shirt when feeding)
o Easier
for baby to digest
o Doesn’t
need to be prepared
o Give
your antiobodies to the baby
·
Pros for Mom
o Releases
oxytocin which promotes mothering behavior
o Return
uterus to the size it was before
o Burns
calories
o Reduce
risk of ovarian and breast cancer
Brooks, J. B. (2013). The process of parenting (9th ed.). New York:
McGraw-Hill
·
What mom eats will be in breastmilk 4-6 hours
later
·
How long? Be exclusive for 4-6 months, I would
like to breastfeed for at least 1 year
·
Problems
o Trouble
latching
o Can’t
produce enough milk
o Painful
·
Any mom can do it if they practice. You really
have to commit to it
3. Sleep
|
Age
|
Recommended amount of sleep
|
|
Newborns
|
16-18 hours a day
|
|
Preschool-aged children
|
11-12 hours a day
|
|
School-aged children
|
At least 10 hours a
day
|
|
Teens
|
9-10 hours a day
|
|
Adults
|
7-8 hours a day
|
· Infants
should sleep on their backs
· No bedding
or loose blankets
· Firm
mattress
· One piece
baby clothing
· Beware of
room temperature
· Babies
should not sleep in their car seat or bouncy chair
· Infants
should be observed by sight or sound at all times
· Put the
baby to bed drowsy
· Wait a few
minutes when they are fussy so they can learn to sooth themselves
· Establish a predictable routine that is
calming
L. Walker, Birth
to Two, SFL 240, Winter 2017, slide 37-40
Introducing Solids
o
4-6 months (talk with pediatrician)
o
Some breastfeed exclusively for the 1st year (AAP
recommendation)
· If Family history of
allergies:
o
Infant cereal (rice fortified with iron) first
o
Fruit juices (avoid citrus juices – apple first)
o
Limit fruit juice
o
Give them water!
o
Still supplement with breast
milk
· If no history of food
allergies:
o
Blend and grind own food
o
After 6 mos. infants can eat what you eat
Preschool Age
“Optimal development during
these years is more likely to occur if children have opportunities to establish
positive and caring relationships with adults and other children” (p. 97)
Bredekamp, S. & Copple,
C. (1997). Developmentally appropriate practice in Early Childhood Programs.
NAEYC: Washington D.C.
Physical
Development
· Running @ 2 years
· Going upstairs every other
foot, downstairs 2 feet on every step @ 3 years
· Go up and down stairs
alternating feet and ride a tricycle @ 4 years
· Ride a bike @5 years
Cognitive and
Language Development
· Egocentrism- inability to
take someone else’s point of view
· Theory of Mind-
Understanding your own thoughts are different from those of another
o
Develops 3-4 ½ years
o
Enhanced by siblings and imaginary play
· Language
o
3 years- vocabulary- other people should understand 75% of
what they are saying, over generalize meaning and make up words to fit needs
o
4 years- expands vocabulary, shows attention to the abstract
o
5 years- pronounces words with little difficulty
o
It is normal for kids to stutter a little
Emotional
Development
· Initiative vs. Guilt
· 2-3 years- situational
compliance- child obeys with frequent prompts from present parent
· 3-4 years- committed
compliance- child obeys willingly with parent in the room
· 4+ years- internalization-
child obeys when parent leaves room
· Parents need to model
self-regulation, be prepared and realistic, practice gradually
Moral
Development
· Still pre moral up to 4
years
· Little understanding of
rules
· Children are very literal-
skip violent scriptures
· Establish patterns, involve
children and answer questions at church
Common
Concerns
1.
Safety
·
Children should always wear a bike helmet
·
Inside- be proactive and put baby locks on everything,
outlets, put cleaners away
·
Car Seats
i. Rear facing as long as
possible (40 lbs)
ii. Need a booster until 8 years
iii. Front seat @ 12 years old
Billie, H., Crump, C. E.,
Letourneau, R. J., & West, B. A. (2016). Child safety and booster seat use
in five tribal communities, 2010–2014. Journal Of Safety Research, 59113-117.
doi:10.1016/j.jsr.2016.09.002
2. Temper Tantrums
·
Fight with autonomy, controlling parents= more tantrums
·
Make expectations clear, simple, consisten
·
Assist cooperation by gentle verbal & physical requests
·
Model expected behaviors
·
Offer choices
·
Distract
·
Be proactive
·
Don’t give in
·
Pick your battles
L. Walker,
Early Childhood, SFL 240, Winter 2017, slide 21
3.
Potty Training
·
Around age 3
·
Be positive- no punishing
·
Schedule potty breaks- ask every 15 min
·
Set aside time for training
·
Teach good hygiene
·
Allow for autonomy- let them choose their underwear
Au, S.,
& Stavinoha, P. L. (2008). Stress-free potty training: A commonsense guide
to finding the right approach for your child. New York, NY, US: AMACOM.
4.
Preschool
·
Prepares kids for kingergarten- not required
·
Need to be potty trained
·
Pay attention to teacher-child ratio
·
Quality of environment
·
Teaches them social interactions
·
Is child ready to leave? Potty Trained, can
they leave you
Brooks, J. B. (2013). The process of parenting (9th ed.). New York:
McGraw-Hill
5.
Picky Eaters
·
Kids have extra taste buds
·
Respect when your child is hungry or not
·
Serve meals and snacks at similar times- no juice and water
between meals
·
Introduce new foods with favorites
·
Make it fun
·
Let child choose healthy snacks
·
Set a good example
·
Minimize distractions
·
Dessert should not be a rewards
·
Do not cook to order
·
Stomach is the size of their fist
L. Walker,
Early Childhood, SFL 240, Winter 2017, slide 36
School Age
Physical
Development
· Not a lot- brain is full
adult size
· Puberty can start as early
as 7-8
Cognitive and
Language Development
· Count to 20 by age 5
· Early reading by age 6
· Addition and subtraction at
age 7-8
· Multiplication by age 9
· Chapter books by 8-9
L. Walker, Elementary
Children, SFL 240, Winter 2017, slide 6
· Children are starting to
have concrete operational thinking
· This chart explains this:
L. Walker, Elementary
Children, SFL 240, Winter 2017, slide 5
Emotional
Development
· Industry vs. Identity
o
Self Concept and Self Esteem
o
Encourage them to explore their interests
· Focus On The Process And
Coaching Skills
o
Helping with math homework – just do not give the answers
o
Provide & encourage long-term systematic instruction for
skill development
o
Do not hold up a standard that is unreachable at first, but
break down the skill into achievable bite-sized pieces that children can
succeed in and practice with some success.
o
As children get discouraged, make sure that the demands of
the situation are not overwhelming and help them keep working at it.
o
Avoid over praising. Praise effort rather than performance.
o
With persistence, they will learn that they can accomplish
their goals and that they will have a supportive family behind them.
L. Walker,
Elementary Children, SFL 240, Winter 2017, slide 10
Moral and
Spiritual Development
· Age of accountability-
children are able to feel guilty and recognize right from wrong
· Children can read scriptures
and pray on their own
· Mortality is motivated by
authority figures
· Parents should contextualize
· Parents should reward
children for good behavior
1. Gender
a. Gender
socialization will NOT impact your child’s gender identity or sexual
orientation
b. Allow
your child to develop his or her own interests and divine gifts
c. Allow
both girls AND boys to express emotions
d. Encourage
mixed friendship groups during late childhood
e. Encourage
androgyny
L. Walker, Elementary Children, SFL 240,
Winter 2017, slide 17
2. Self Esteem
a. Encourage children to
explore interests
b. Help children feel competent
c. Don’t hold standards that
are unrealistic
d. Be the Cheerleader
e. Praise effort not
performance
f. Remind them of their divine
identity
L. Walker,
Elementary Children, SFL 240, Winter 2017, slide 10
Brooks, J. B. (2013). The process of parenting (9th ed.). New York:
McGraw-Hill
3. Aggression
a. In younger children, ignore
aggressive behavior that is attention seeking
b. Teaching children that
aggression does NOT get them what they want
c. Teach/show principles of
kindness to children at an early age
d. Set the example by not
“saying demeaning things” about others
e. Do not turn a cold shoulder
or stop talking to your child when he/she does something that upsets you
f. Teach and model empathy
understanding in young children
g. Teach children the
importance of including everyone in their activities
h. Be able to “forgive and
forget and move on”
L. Walker,
Elementary Children, SFL 240, Winter 2017, slide 17
Brooks, J. B. (2013). The process of parenting (9th ed.). New York:
McGraw-Hill
Adolescence and Emerging Adulthood
Physical
Development
· Puberty
· Changes in height and weight
· Girls reach maturity 2 years
earlier
· Eat a TON
· They need a LOT of sleep
L. Walker, Parenting
Teens, SFL 240, Winter 2017, slide 4
Cognitive and
Language Development
· Egocentricism- very focused
on themselves, appearance
· Imaginary audience
· Self admiring
· Fail to separate unique and
normal- many struggle with body image
o
Take risks because they see themselves as the exception
· Personal Fable
Emotional
Development
· Strive for emotional and behavioral autonomy
L. Walker, Parenting
Teens, SFL 240, Winter 2017, slide 15
Moral and
Spiritual Development
· Conventional reasoning
· Ability to see another’s
point of view
· Golden Rule
1. Drug Abuse
a. Teens whose parents talk to
them regularly about the dangers of drugs
b. Parental knowledge
(monitoring) is consistently linked to lower delinquency and drug use
c. Parental knowledge is
predicted most strongly by child disclosure
d. Parental solicitation is
also sometimes linked to knowledge
e. Parental control is almost
never linked to knowledge
f. Allowing for autonomy can
help to reduce parent-child squabbles and maintain a strong relationship
L. Walker, Parenting Teens, SFL 240, Winter
2017, slide 35
2. Working During School
a. Up to 10 hours per week- Not
related to any psychological symptoms, Little effect on adolescent development
b. Beyond 10 hours per week-Anxiety,
Depression, Sleep per night declines, Disruptive to eating and exercise habits
c. Beyond 20 hours per week- Problems
become considerably worse
L. Walker, Parenting Teens, SFL 240, Winter
2017, slide 19-20
3. Body Image
a. Avoid putting down your own
body or that of others
b. Avoid making comments about
your child’s body, focus on health
c. Engage in family activities
together that promote health
d. Avoid comments about the
value of others based on body type (e.g., movie starts, super heroes)
e. Encourage your child to
focus on what his/her body can do
f. Encourage your child to
establish patterns of healthy eating and exercise – without obsessing
McVey G, Davis R. A program
to promote positive body image: A 1-year follow-up evaluation. The Journal Of
Early Adolescence [serial online]. February 2002;22(1):96-108. Available from:
PsycINFO, Ipswich, MA. Accessed April 19, 2017.
· Financial Assistance
a. It’s always about the
relationship!
b. Don’t be controlling with
their finances, allow them to be autonomous
c. I want to do what my parents
did. They paid for my housing, but I was responsible for tuition. Helped me
earn scholarships and work hard.
L. Walker, Parenting Teens, SFL 240, Winter
2017, slide 37
Parenting and Media
· Children don’t need phones but are often
viewing media on television
· Teenagers are in school with friends who are
getting phones
· Teenagers should be allowed autonomy with
their phones- there is a level of trust between parents and teens
1. Pornography
·
Restrict
media in the bedroom
·
Tell
them you will look at their text messages each night
·
Set
parent restrictions on computers
·
Keep
media out in the open
·
Set a
media curfew
·
Be careful
with songs that have sexual content
·
Talk to
and pre-arm children before hand
L. Walker, Positive Parenting, SFL 240,
Winter 2017, slide 13
2. Social Interactions
a.
Media
has reduced the amount of face to face interaction
b.
Do non
media activities with your children- go outside
c.
Watch
media with your children so they can understand what you are seeing and so you
can discuss any questions they have
d.
Have
children invite friends over instead of doing media
e.
Watch
movies as a family
f.
Use
media to connect with loved ones over Skype
Barr, R., Zack, E., Garcia, A., & Muentener, P. (2008). Infants'
Attention and Responsiveness to Television Increases with Prior Exposure and
Parental Interaction. Infancy, 13(1), 30-56.
3. Time Spent on Media
a.
Children
should not be consuming media before 2 years of age
b.
Limit to
1 hour a day- focus on educational media for young children
c.
Have
them spend time doing family history- if they need to be on the computer
d.
View media
together
e.
Set time
restrictions for older kids- let them have input on the time
f.
No
phones at the table
g.
They do
not need a smartphone
h.
MONITOR
American Academy of
Pediatrics Announces New Recommendations for Children's Media Use. (2016).
Retrieved March 21, 2017, from https://www.aap.org/en-us/about-the-aap/aap-press-room/pages/american-academy-of-pediatrics-announces-new-recommendations-for-childrens-media-use.aspx
Parenting and Sexuality
· Young children- it is ordinary for them to
touch themselves
o Parents should not respond in shaming ways
o Distraction!
· Older children- puberty begins earlier
o Spermarche (boys wet dream) and Menarche
o Do not teach with object lessons
1. Church View of Sexuality
a.
Do not
use metaphors when explaining
b.
Do not
shame ever! Start when they are little with not shaming
c.
Be open
to questions
d.
Use the
correct terminology
e.
Teach
them about sex before they hear it from their friends
f.
Cocooning
is linked to earlier sexual debut (Atienzo et al., 2009), more adherence to
peer norms about sexuality (Whitaker et al., 2000), and unsafe sexual practices
g.
Pre-arming
prior to sex is linked to teens reporting that parents are the best source of
information about sex (Whitaker et al., 2000), delay of first sexual
intercourse, safer sexual practices, and higher levels of healthy sexuality (de
Graaf, 2011)
2. Parents not feeling adequate
a.
You
don’t need to be perfectly sexually healthy to raise sexually healthy children
b.
It is
not too early to talk with your children about sexuality
c.
Allow
your children to put questions about sexuality in a jar and pull one out and
address it each week
d.
Have a
family home evening on sexuality and let your children teach Find a special time
when you go out with your child and make sexuality part of the conversation
e.
Talk about sexuality openly from an
early age – let children know it is okay to talk about and to ask questions
L. Walker,
Parenting and Sexuality, SFL 240, Winter 2017, slide 10, 25
3. How to talk about Sex
·
Parents
need to change the conversation and foster a “culture of openness”
- Change
“how” be approachable, open, non-reactive
- Change
“when” not a single conversation – many and early
- Focus
on “why” emotional, spiritual, healthy sexuality (not just behavioral)
- RELATIONSHIP!!!
L. Walker, Parenting and
Sexuality, SFL 240, Winter 2017, slide 16
·
Sexual
Wholeness in Marriage by Busby,
Carroll, and Leavitt
·
Forthcoming:
Developing Sexual Wholeness in Children and Teens: An LDS Parent's Guide to
Teaching Healthy Sexuality by Padilla-Walker, Busby, Leavitt, & Carroll
Keeping Marriage Healthy
1.
Commitment
a.
Personal
dedication: intentional decision and desire to stay in a marriage for mutual
benefit
b.
Intentional
personal dedication: you sacrifice for the relationship, invest in it, and seek
partner’s welfare
c.
Exclusive
cleaving and unity: spouse is preeminent in the life of the husband or wife,
nothing social, occupational, or political takes precedence
d.
Practice
spiritual patterns: couples who practice faith together have lower conflict and
are more likely to be satisfied and committed
L. Walker,
Healthy Marriage, SFL 240, Winter 2017, slide 4
2. Connection
a.
“Love as
distinct from “being in love” is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity,
maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit…They can have
this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each
other…It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was
the explosion that started it.” C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
3.
Conflict
a.
Focus on
your spouse’s positive qualities (make and share lists) “The formula for a
happy marriage is the same as the formula for living in California: when you
find a fault, don’t dwell on it!” (Humorist, Jay Trachman)
b.
“I have
witnessed much of the best and much of the worst in marriage…Faultfinding
replaces praise. When we look for the worst in anyone, we will find it. But if
we will concentrate on the best, that element will grow until it sparkles.”
President Hinckley
Linda K Burton Test:
We might test
ourselves by asking a few questions:
1. When was the last
time I sincerely praised my companion, either alone or in the presence of our
children?
2. When was the last
time I thanked, expressed love for, or earnestly pleaded in faith for him or
her in prayer?
3. When was the last
time I stopped myself from saying something I knew could be hurtful?
4. When was the last
time I apologized and humbly asked for forgiveness—without adding the words
“but if only you had” or “but if only you hadn’t”?
5. When was the last
time I chose to be happy rather than demanding to be “right”?
Marriage Goals
1. Go on dates every week
a.
This
will allow us to talk to each other not about parenting
b.
This
will help us strengthen our relationship
c.
This
will teach our children that the spouse is priority
L. Walker, Healthy Marriage,
SFL 240, Winter 2017, slide 10
2. Be united in our decisions
a.
I don’t
want our children to be able to “work the system”
b.
I want
to discuss with my spouse about our rules
c.
If
something comes up that I am not sure on, I will tell my child that we need to
wait until I can talk to dad and then I will let you know.
d.
I will
try to be on the same page as my spouse
Bradbury, T. N., & Karney,
B. R. (2014). Intimate relationships. New York, NY: Norton.
3. I will continue my intimate relationship
a.
Kids can
be tiring, but we need to still be intimate
b.
We can
plan times to have sex
c.
I will
not reject his touchy behaviors
d.
I will
tell him I love him
e.
I will
tell him about my day (not just the kids)
Bradbury, T. N., & Karney,
B. R. (2014). Intimate relationships. New York, NY: Norton.
Quotes:
· “As our children grow, they
need information taught by parents more directly and plainly about what is and
is not appropriate. Parents need to teach children to avoid any pornographic
photographs or stories… talk to them plainly about sex and the teaching of the
gospel regarding chastity. Let this information come from parents in the home
in an appropriate way.” Elder Ballard
· “Sexual fragmentation is
particularly harmful because it is particularly deceptive. The intense human
intimacy that should be enjoyed in and symbolized by sexual union is
counterfeited by sensual episodes which suggest--but cannot
deliver--acceptance, understanding, and love.” Elder Holland\
· “It was essential that God’s
spirit children have mortal birth and an opportunity to progress toward eternal
life. In the light of the ultimate purpose of the great plan of happiness, I
believe that the ultimate treasures on earth and in heaven are our children and
our posterity” Dallin H. Oaks
· “We believe in families, and
we believe in children…” Neil L. Anderson
· The purpose of mortal life
for the children of God is to provide the experiences needed “to progress
toward perfection and ultimately realize their divine destiny as heirs of
eternal life. We progress by making choices, by which we are tested to show
that we will keep God’s commandments (see Abraham 3:25). To be tested, we must
have the agency to choose between alternatives. To provide alternatives on
which to exercise our agency, we must have opposition. Oaks, Opposition in all
Things (2016)
· 1 Nephi 4:4-6
4 For
the Lord God hath said that: Inasmuch as ye shall keep my
commandments ye shall prosper
in the land; and inasmuch as ye will not keep my commandments ye shall be cut off
from my presence.
5 But
behold, my sons and my daughters, I cannot go down to my grave save I should leave
a blessing upon you; for behold, I know that if ye are brought
up in the way ye should
go ye will not depart from it.
6 Wherefore,
if ye are cursed, behold, I leave my blessing upon you, that
the cursing may be
taken from you and be answered upon the heads of your parents.
· “And again, inasmuch as parents have children
in Zion, or in any of her stakes which are organized, that teach them not to
understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living
God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the
hands, when eight years old, the sin be upon the heads of the parents.” D&C
68:25
· Every spirit of man was innocent in the
beginning; and God having redeemed man from the fall, men became again, in
their infant state, innocent before God. And that wicked one cometh and taketh
away light and truth, through disobedience, from the children of men, and
because of the tradition of their fathers. But I have commanded you to bring up
your children in light and truth. D&C 93: 38-40
· “…the ills that plague the American family come
from many sources, but I think one major source is that our society no longer
honors what I witnessed every day - - the quiet heroism of everyday parenting.”
-Jay Belsky
· Being a father or a mother
is not only a great challenge, it is a divine calling. It is an effort
requiring consecration. President David O. McKay stated that being parents is
“the greatest trust that has been given to human beings.” (The
Responsibility of Parents to Their Children, pamphlet, Salt Lake City:
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, n.d., p. 1.)
· While few human challenges
are greater than that of being good parents, few opportunities offer greater
potential for joy. Surely no more important work is to be done in this world
than preparing our children to be God-fearing, happy, honorable, and
productive. Parents will find no more fulfilling happiness than to have their
children honor them and their teachings. It is the glory of parenthood. John
testified, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.”
(3 Jn. 1:4.) In my opinion, the
teaching, rearing, and training of children requires more intelligence,
intuitive understanding, humility, strength, wisdom, spirituality, perseverance,
and hard work than any other challenge we might have in life.
· “Discipline
is probably one of the most important elements in which a mother and a father
can lead and guide and direct their children. . . Setting limits to what a
child can do means to that child that you love him and respect him. If you permit the child to do all the
things he would like to do without any limits, that means to him that you do
not care much about him.” President Spencer W. Kimball (Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, p. 341)
· “There
is a need for discipline with families.
But discipline with severity and with cruelty, inevitably leads not to
correction, but to resentment and bitterness. It cures nothing and only aggravates the problem.” President
Gordon B. Hinckley (Teachings of Gordon B. Hinckley, p. 418)
· “Above
all else, children need to know and feel they are loved, wanted, and
appreciated. They need to be
assured of that often.” - President Ezra Taft Benson (Conference Reports, 1982
p 60)
· “There
is no discipline in all the world like the discipline of love. It has a magic all its own.” President Gordon B. Hinckley (Teachings
of Gordon B. Hinckley, p. 419)
· “Use
no lash and no violence, but approach them with reason, with persuasion and
love unfeigned.”
President Joseph F. Smith (Gospel Doctrine, p. 316)
· “I
have never accepted the principle of
‘spare the rod and spoil the child.’ . . . Children don’t need
beating. They need love and
encouragement.” Gordon B. Hinckley (Ensign, November 1994, 53)
